Judging is the New Masturbation.

The fact that we die after being on Earth for a long-period of time scared me as a child. I would like to think that's the same for everyone else. If it's not and you got a little happy figuring out you're going to die one day then maybe you should check yourself into a hospital for a while. You got some issues.

I should start off by saying that I got this new back pack that is really strange. I don't really know how to explain it. But there's a reason why I got such a weird ass back pack instead of a normal back pack. You want to know the reason? Well it's simple - I don't give a flying fuck about what anyone or anything says about me. Judge all you want, people, but just please note that you're judging the ultimate judger. Oh yeah, I've done some judging in my life that didn't end too pretty. But everyone does this, everyone judges, it's just like masturbation. Everyone does it, and it's healthy...until you do it WAY too much. 

But the real story behind this hideous back pack is just as ridiculous as the previous paragraph. It starts with my Grandma complaining about the profanity on my back pack...

THE NEW BAG.

 

So it's the morning and my Grandmother comes to me and starts saying...

 

"Your bag says, 'JUSTIN'S SHIT' on it. Why?"

 

And I replied with...

 

"Because it's my shit."

 

She then went on to say..

 

"I'm gonna get you a new bag when you're at school tomorrow."

 

And I went on with it. And to be honest with you I thought she was just being stoned, but she's serious...

 

"What kind of bag you want?"

"Give me one with a lot of colors."

 

She ends up getting me this ultra-hippie bag, with colors everywhere. It's kind of like a girl bag. But instead of being my usual Justin self and hating everything she gets me, I decided to actually where it to school.

 

"Nice backpack, did your mom knit it for you?" says this obnoxious chick in my class.

"No but don't be afraid to fuck yourself during your next question." I didn't really say that I just wanted to sound tough after bringing this bag to school.

Ugh, so we switched seats for this class CAREER ACADEMY and I'm by a whole new pack of people. And there all really smarter then me. You see I'm starting this essay a bit late and so I asked the kid next to me..

"How do you get to the essay thing again?" 

And as soon as he started explaining this girl from across from us says..

"You haven't started the paper yet?" now imagine a very annoying smile and tone as she is saying the following. 

So yeah that's what I'm now dealing with. This class aggravates me. It has one of those teachers where they give you an essay every month or so on the same exact thing you just did. Literally. I've found myself asking the same god damn questions she just asked me fucking two weeks ago and shit. Like she sits here and brags and tells us..

"I've been teaching in this school for a long, long time now." 

Bitch if that's so, get a new lesson plan. Shit.

I think its funny that people in this town are so uptight, because whenever something comes out of my mouth, no matter what it is the people are outraged. For example there's this new foreign exchange student and girls talk about this kid, man. Like girls really want to fuck him, so I went up to him and told him..

"Dude, there's so many chances for you to get your dick tickeled. Have you yet?"  

And this girl comes by and she screams..

"Hey shut up, don't make him end up like you!"

Yeah, she throws me under the bus like I'm some fucking disease. Like I never even thought I was that bad, like I've seen some pretty fucked up things that pretty fucked up people have done and it's not pretty. It's pretty damn ugly. I've now used the word "pretty" four times in this paragraph.

So after this is science with Ms. Whale, and trust me I'm not looking forward to it. But what can I say? I've never met a person who's actually excited to go to science. Unless they're a virgin.

#ThanksForListeningOrReading