I'm just stoned bare with me.

Who the fuck created the twerk? I mean holy shit people. I thought Justin Beiber was bad enough and then off comes this invention that was cool for about three months. I didn't always hate this though, don't get me wrong. I love ass bouncing around as much as the next guy, but I stopped liking it after seeing a grown man do it. Let me rephrase myself grown men. I lost all faith in humanity. I really can't imagine the world in twenty years. I hope Mike Judge wasn't predicting the future with "Idiocracy" because that would kind of suck (Please note that I'm not saying the movie sucks, I'm just simply saying the way America ends up in the movie sucks).

So I came on here to tell you about the most dumbest thing I did with my grandma this weekend. Ugh. It started with a road trip....

THE ROAD TRIP.

 

So last week my very loving grandmother granted me with delightful news that we will be going to Brookings to relax on the beach for two days. And me being a stoner, well we like those things. Beach + Weed = VERY RELAXING TIMES. It's quantim-physics. I don't even know if that's a real thing, but for this story you'll just have to roll with it.

 

So we pack up, we're ready to go and we're just minutes away from leaving the house.

 

GRANDMA: Don't forget about your sunglasses.

ME: Don't worry I'll be coming back in here to check if we forgotten anything.

GRANDMA: Well right when we leave I'm locking the house up.

ME: Alright, if you insist.

 

So off we were to the relaxion station of Brookings, Oregon; but first is the two and a half hour drive..and did I mention there's a big black dog in the back seat? I didn't? Well now I technically did, so we don't really need to go back. Anyways you see the dog had the sudden urge to try to get up in the front seat every fifteen minutes of this car ride. And worst part was that he was on this motion sickness medicine so he's all loopy too, so he's fucking all over the place almost making us crash into Bambi and those other gay creatures. So we're driving and driving and driving and driving and driving and driving and driving and driving until we finally make it. Cue music.

 

BROOKINGS. (repeat 3x)

BROOKINGS, OH ORE-E-GON.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

THE WAVES ARE SO SWAVY

AND WHAT CAN I SAY-E?

I LOVE YOU BABY.

BY BABY I MEAN BROOKINGS.

 

I like to thank Jay-Z and Kanye West for helping me with those lyrics. And not to forget thanking the Jonas Brothers for finally breaking up and doing the rest of the world a massive favor. The point is we fucking make it to the hotel.

 

So we check in, and we're just fucking begging for our beds, and we're fucking minutes away from all of this happening. Until I realized something that changed my life forever. We forgot the fucking suitcase. Yes, that's right people we fucking managed to forget the single most important thing to bring on a road trip. So this meant we had no clothes, no weed, no nothing. All's we had was my grandma's laptop, a big box of food and the dog's big ass bag. This took up the whole space in the car. So we're sitting there just fucking pissed off screaming to the heavens above us, and we did what we had to do. We fucking went back. And trust us we didn't fucking want to. So we took the dog out, put the remaining items up to the room and dragged our asses back to Grants Pass to get our fucking suitcase. Aint' that about a bitch? Cue the blues.

 

GRANTS PASS, OH GRANTS PASS

I CAN'T SEEM TO

GET AWAY FROM YOU.
(nice guitar riff)

WITH YOUR WHITE CRYSTAL METH

AND BUMS ON THE STEPS

I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO

GET AWAY FROM YOU.

 

Now being stuck in the same car taking the same trip back that we made literally fifteen minutes ago isn't exactly what we had planned for. But we made good timing since my grandmother has a history of being with a lot of biker dudes.

 

So we get back to Grants Pass and we find out that the suitcase was in the hallway next to my door. So yeah, yeah, yeah it was technically my fault, but I told grandma that I wanted to take a look around the house to see if we forgot anything!

 

Until Next Time You Dirty Piranhas.