DON'T DRINK WHEN ALLS YOU DO IS LIGHT FIRE.

This is one of the most fucked up things that I've and the people I were with have ever done. At least I hope it's the worst thing they've done. 

THE WEEKEND

 

  It started with a party. I was with my two friends..I actually shouldn't mention their names for legal reasons, so I was with blah and Steve. The party was cool, there were a large variety of intoxicated females all around us. There was this Asian chick who was climbing all over me, but there's a limit with girls, when they're drunk:

There's the "oh my god, I'm so drunk" drunk, then the "I wanna dance" drunk, and then the "where's Becky?" drunk, and then the last but not least the "oh my god, I'm on the floor while six dudes are about to stick their dicks in around my mouth, vagina and any other hole they can locate" drunk. 

So, we were sitting around smoking weed, drinking, all the usual party favors. It wasn't good but then again it wasn't bad. You know? The point is the party was fun. That was at least until six loud knocks hit the door, we all knew what it was - it was the fucking cops. So of course we had to get the fuck out of there. So here I am, white boy Justin climbing a five foot fucking wall while being really, really drunk and really, really stoned. Anyways me and Blah got down safe and sound, but Steve was nowhere to be found.

"Steve!" I screamed.
"Come on, man we gotta get the fuck out of here!" screams Blah.

Blah was right we had no choice. But I wasn't really all that worried for Steve. You see Steve is an all-star basketball player who is someday going to be famous for his impressive dunking and major speed. So we started booking it, running as fast as we could, until we heard the yell of Steve.

"You guys were really gonna leave me?" He laughed as he joined the pack. 

Now just imagine three really intoxicated teens walking around in the freezing darkness at 2:30 in the morning, miles away from home. Yeah. It wasn't pretty. So us being drunk we did the most unforgettable thing. We stole a fucking car. 

Now before you start judging it wasn't intended. You see the chemicals in alcohol make you do some really dumb and fucked up shit like for example I'm just throwing it out there stealing a car. Now if you're judging saying something like "this stupid stoner is super irresponsible and should be arrested" I will just have to say....SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

Now here we are, in this shitty BMW, with a broken tail-light and a flat tire, with a low gas rate. But we didn't care, we were driving around like no tomorrow. And I wasn't even freaking out. Everything was fine until Steve almost killed us. Now Steve was so excited that he started swerving around having fun until he accidentally drove us into the desert, and we were at minutes from hitting a pole, until he slammed the breaks. It was like a fucking movie. So after all that we decided to just park it in Steve's neighborhood, go the fuck to sleep and see what to do with it the next day. 

THE NEXT DAY.

So it's the next morning...well afternoon, we didn't get up until like 3 or 2, and it wasn't really a normal morning.

"Do you guys remember what we did?" Says Blah.
"I sadly do." I said.
"Same here." Steve replied.

We were stuck, out of options, not feeling good about ourselves. So we did what any other person would do....pick up more weed with the stolen car. 

"Do you guys think this is the best option?" I asked.
"Trust me it'll just be a there and back situation" Blah explained. 

I gotta say there was something about the whole thing that felt cool to say but it wasn't the same feeling when we were out in the open. Not to mention we were hung over like no tomorrow, so it didn't make my mood any better.

"Your tire is flat!" screams an old lady in a yellow slug-bug. We were completely noticeable. It only takes one cop to see us to get us busted for a very, very long time. 

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty scared." I stuttered.
"Same here, dude. You're not alone." says Steve.

I was glad to know that I wasn't the only one to think this plan was completely fucked. But surprisingly it was all okay. Thank God for Blah's abilities of knowing a shit ton of short cuts. 

"Yo, where you get yo ride bruhh?" says our dealer.
"We can't really say." says Steve.
"What is it stolen?"

We all froze.

"Oh hell no nigga, yall need to get the fuck out." he says as he slams the door in our face.
"Yo what about our shit, man?" screams Blah. 

He opens up the door and tosses the bag of weed.

"Now get the fuck out." Nobody wanted to be with us. But who the fuck can blame us? This could leak to a whole shit load of people. So nobody wanted to match or smoke with us, so we went back to Steve's to think of more ways to stash the car.

"It's a complete piece of shit." Blah explains, "I mean the most we can get is at least $200. And how would we even split that? I'm fuckin' greedy sometimes."
"Well how much gas do we have in it?" I asked.
"Not enough to flee town if that's what you're thinking" says Steve
"Well we really have no other choice unless we burn the thing". That was it.

So here we are throwing rocks at the windows, shattering them. Totally demolishing the car, pouring it with gas, and then bam! Steve set the car on fire. So me and Blah ran one way and he ran the other. But lucky for us, some dude was watching the WHOLE FUCKING TIME, and called the cops. Fuck us right? So right as me and Blah were walking through a neighborhood, a cop car comes right behind us. We were completely and totally fucked. 

"Put your hands on the vehicle" says the officer.
"Can I ask what we've done, officer?" I asked nicely.
"We'll get to that," he says as he handcuffs the two of us. 

I gotta say I saw this one coming. I actually wouldn't of really felt right if this didn't happen. Now I'm not really too proud of my behavior when they caught us. I was just like any other dumbass on "COPS" saying shit like:

"I don't know what you're talking about, I was going to see my friend." 

After all the episodes I've seen you'd think I would know a thing or two about smooth-talking. But this fucking cop was really trying to push my fucking buttons.

"State your name," he says
"Justin Adams" I answered
"Yeah, fake name," he replied.
"I'm sorry?"
"What's your address?"
"7296 Bindweed rd." 
"Yeah, fake address," 

You get the idea? This fucking guy was the definite douche of the year, so I lost my mind. I flipped out.

"Why do you keep saying everything's a lie?"
"You better watch what you say about me, kid"
"Well you're telling me all my information isn't true"
"How do I know for sure if it's not true? You wanna lie about the fire and the BMW, so why should I believe half the information you're telling me?" All though he was being a prick, he had a point. But still he was being a bitch. And the best part of it all is that he was an Asian with braces! What're the odds of having this cop come into my personal space? It was like I was meant to say this next line.

So he was digging around in my pockets and found a condom, and a pack of cigarettes, and this is what was said:

"aren't you too young for cigarettes?" he said as he took them out of my back pocket.
"aren't you too old for braces?" I said as he tossed me in the back.

I was waiting for a good twenty minutes, and during that twenty minutes, I had the worst gum issue. Okay so you know when your gum get's to melty and it gets all over your mouth so that happened to me right there in the back of the police car, and being hand-cuffed I couldn't just take it out, so I said, fuck it I'm just going to swallow it. And as I was attempting to swallow my gum, a little piece fell off and hit the edge of my shoulder. How did that happen I have no idea. So I was trying to get it with my mouth and it hit my chin. So in the police cars, you have seat belts already buckled for you, so I rubbed my chin on it, and it got stuck there, so I'm sitting here in the back of a cop car, with gum on my shoulder, chin and on the seatbelt. It was a mess.

So as I was in the back, the cop was checking the bags, and Blah said his bag was my bag, because his bag had a lot of weed in it. So the cop opens the door, and puts the weed on my lap.

 "so you guys were having a little party" says the chink.
"That's not mine," I fought.
"It came out of your bag" he said
"the grey bag?"
"no, that's his, yours is the black bag," god dammit Blah, why? Oh why, did you do that?
"Sir, my name is Justin Adams, it says 'Justin's shit' on that bag. I'm no rocket scientists, but that sure does put two and two together don't you think?" I said, as he slams the door. 

Twenty more minutes later, another cop comes by and then opens my door,

"alright Justin, help me out here, I wanna go home I get off in thirty minutes. What's going on here?"
"Alright, me and Steve were with this weird ass guy, and he said he was going to light his car on fire, we didn't believe him and then next thing you know the car is on fire and he's running." I should thank god, for my great gift of lying.
"thank you," he says as he shuts the door. 

Next thing you know my Mom is there, with a terrible facial expression. And then I heard Steve's name on the radio, I didn't catch what it said though. But he never got caught. No one can catch the great Steve.

So now me and Blah find ourselves in the back of my Mom's car, getting yelled at. We had to give Blah a ride home since his mom doesn't have a car. We ended up going to Blah's for a few hours and talked to his mom and grandma. I love his mom though she's really cool. 

Well that's my story, and believe it or not it's all fucking true.