THE MARISSA JOHNSON STORY.
Marissa was once the love of my life until I opened my eyes and realized the number of problems she has in her life. Actually they're not really problems, it's just stupid middle school shit that we thought were problems until we grew up and realized that we were really fucking immature. But who was the most immature out of them all? This guy. Let me tell you why. But before I do that, Marissa I'm sorry.
THE LIE.
Okay so in middle school I was a fucking freak. No guy thought I was cool and no girl would touch me even if $1,000 was involved. Just imagine an ugly beaver. Oh! Imagine the Angry Beavers. That's what I looked like in the sixth grade. So I found myself lying about every aspect in my life to either get sympathy and get friends, or make them laugh so hard they want to be friends. But there was one problem...
"You're not fucking funny!" Screams Justin Torres.
Who's Justin Torres? Justin Torres is a douche who was at the time dating the girl of my dreams. Marissa Johnson. Holy shit balls, I don't know what it was that made me fall for her. But when I saw her I fell hard, people. But she didn't have any interest in me. Hell, she didn't even know my name. We just had explorations, 3rd or 4th period with Ms. Welling together. So every time I saw she was single I would try to say something like...
"So the weather is like....awful...huh?"
And she would say something like...
"That's just Vegas for you."
That would be the only time we would talk. Until I got an outrageous idea that even made me a little queezy. I stole one of my Mom's glass hearts off her barclet and went to school to show it off. And believe it or not...it fucking worked.
"Who is that from?" says Marissa.
"Oh my girlfriend." I responded.
"Oh really? Does she go here?"
I had to think fast I wasn't going to get caught in the middle of a lie.
"No, she doesn't. She goes to a school across town."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah."
"What's it called?"
God damn, this bitch isn't going to stop with the questions. Okay, quick on your feet, Justin. Don't loose your cool.
"This school called Thompson up in Charleston."
"Oh I never heard of it."
"Oh it's a shitty, shitty place. I don't recommend it."
She laughed. She ac-- holy fuck a bird just ran into my fucking window! Who the fuck does that shit? There's even a big fucking tree in front of the window. So this bird actually went passed the tree and ran straight into the fucking window. Great, now I have monster all over my pants. Thanks Oregon.
Anyways where was I? Oh yeah.
She laughed. She actually laughed at me. Now I should tell you, this is one of the first girls who actually laughed at me. And then she said it..
"You're funny. You should be a comedy person."
She took the fucking words out of my mouth. I swore it was destiny. And get this her and that dick fuck Torres broke up! So she's single! This is my chance, right? Wrong.
THE ANDREW ESTRUDA CHAPTER.
Now with the whole school hating me, I only had one friend and partner in crime. At the time he was my writing partner/joke writer. He was hilarious and my best friend, until he met Marissa. I remember seeing her eyes sparkle and his eyes sparkle when they first glanced at each other. I knew the first 45 seconds standing there that this was bad. And then next thing I knew..
"Andrew, why did you hang up the phone last night?" screams Marissa.
"I didn't you did!" Andrew continues.
These two were becoming the school's next couple. But not after this next lie. Now let me tell you something before I tell you this. You're on my side.
THIS IS IT.
Now I don't remember how I started it but some how I exposed to Marissa and basically half the school that I had a girlfriend that....well....got hit by a bus.
Yes, I know. "Justin, you're a fucking asshole! After all these years you just sat there and lied to me!?" screams Marissa right now.
But please Marissa listen to me. I was a fucking freak. Without you I would've probably killed myself. You fucking made my middle school years. Now I know I took this shit SUPER over the top all the time. But I was just some fucking creep. Like...I don't know how else to say this. I'm a dick. I'm a dick who was in love and wouldn't stop at anything to get what I wanted. But then Conner came and I then realized that I don't wanna be that guy who ruins your relationships just because of a fucking crush. I actually can't imagine my life right now without telling that lie. If I never said that, I would probably be a crack head living on Fremont St. You gave me some of the most unforgettable memories dude. And if I never said that ri-donk-ulouos lie we would've never became friends and been through all the shit that we've been through. And trust me I've been wanting to tell you this shit ever since the end of seventh grade year, but I was scared to see your reaction. I'm sorry. Now I'm not going to say "let's let the past be the past" because if you wanna be pissed and never talk to me again, I'll be fucking sad but I'll understand. I just hope that won't be the case.
I'm Justin Adams and I Did The Most Fucked Up Thing to Some Of The Best People I've Ever Met. I'm Fucking Sorry. I really am. But we got to admit. This does leave us to one ridiculous story.
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