There's A Lot More Weirdness Coming...I Can Feel It.

Have you ever looked around and said to yourself, "what the fuck am I doing with my life?" I have. Hell, I am right now. I'm sitting in the same class I was a few hours back, and I'll tell you something I'm not happy being back here. Why am I back here? I'm in cave time. I don't feel like explaining so if you want to know what that is, go back a few stories.

I hate the fact that I have to ask Mikyla out. Now I do like her and want to be with her, but why ruin a perfectly good thing with a relationship? Hell, I don't even think she can handle a relationship. And I'm not just saying that.

"I don't know how people stick with relationships, I just can't see myself doing it." - Mikyla.

I don't know, maybe I should just take things slow. But then again I am seventeen. Next year I'll be eighteen and probably wont be in school, and who the hell knows what my future with girls looks like? I want to be with Mikyla but there's something holding me back...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

So her friends keep coming up to me asking..

"are you and Mikyla going out?" 

I don't know, I don't want to take things fast, but then again I don't want it to be too slow. I've tried to do both and each time it didn't work out. For example sixth grade...

"I love you." says my girlfriend of one month.

Now I should've said..

"We're taking things too fast."

But instead I said...
  "I love you too"

This led to a four-month relationship I never even really wanted. Which in fact ended with raging text messages and  really bad self-esteem.

I'm the master of two things. One of them is saying the wrong things in the wrong places at the wrong time and the other is creating a relationship that I want to work out but never do no matter how hard I try.

Now Mikyla and I haven't been doing this for a long time, but I can already sense some tension between us. Now I am confused about what I should do, so I asked Ryan what I should do..

"What should I do?"
"If she wants to be in a relationship, go for it. If not wait a while. It's all up to her really."

Ryan's right, this is all her decision really if you think about it, she's the one I should be talking to, not Ryan. So I did. Well I at least tried.

"Hey, can we talk?"
"Isn't that what we're doing?" she replies.

Now I'm like a Ted Mosbey, I need to know what's going on in a relationship. So I kept on trying to get her attention to talk, but all's she did was talk with her friends and this gay dude who got confused with rolling weed and coke. Don't ask. Anyways, at the end of it all, it's finally just me and her, but the problem was she was running late for cheer, so as it went like this...

"Hey can we talk now?"
"I really gotta go!"

And then ran away! I felt like a fucking freak standing there. But this could be a good thing. I mean her doing these things really made me think that I really don't know who this person is. I mean yeah we have this and that in common but I have a lot of things in common with people. They're just not as cute as Mikyla. 

Relationships are weird. Life is weird. But I have to get used to it all because there's a lot more weirdness coming. I can feel it.